Start your day with a smile, visit this blog daily for a joke!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Coke? what coke?

The butcher, dog and Lawyer

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

New Pokemon..?!!


Blame it on the Pretzel


Saturday, May 20, 2006

George Bush and the message in the snow

George Bush steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old “W” is pretty pissed off.
He storms into his security staff's headquaters and yells, "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?"
The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. George hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"
The entire staff immediately jumped up and raced for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"
Bush says, "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Dick Cheney’s urine."
Bush says, "Oh my god, I feel so ... so betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. Well, what's the really bad news?"
The officer replies, "Well, it's your wife's handwriting."

A doctor misunderstood

Dave Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"Dave, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.

Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!"The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Can't trust a Lawyer....

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas.

Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest.

Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina."What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

W and the lie detector...


George Bush and the Oil / Fuel prices

George W. Bush is the 43rd President of the United States. He is serving a second term after being re-elected on November 2, 2004. Prior to being president he served as Governor of the State of Texas.

Donald Rumsfeld - get bombed!!


Donald Rumsfeld tell 'em to wear Kevlar...

Donald H Rumsfeld is the Secretary of Defence for the United States of America. He's a former Navy pilot and had served as the 13th Secretary of Defence, White House Chief of Staff, U.S Ambassador to NATO, U.S. Congressman and chief executive officer of two Fortune 500 companies.
He is responsible for directing the actions of the Defence Department in response to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

Monday, May 15, 2006

The power of the force...and stupid cat

Funny Videos
Stupid cat get "forced" by the guy with the light sabre...uh Luke I think...


Saturday, May 13, 2006

Jessica Simpson's cop encounter...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was, it was Jessica Simpson!

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license?" replied Jessica, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that....?" asked Jessica. "It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on her license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is she driving a red sports car?" "Yes." replied the officer "Is she drop dead gorgeous Jessica?" asked the dispatcher."Uh... yes." replied the cop. "Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "What? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. Jessica looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"
(P.S - I've got nothing against Jessica Simpson, its just that she's such an easy target! Oh, and hot!)

Naughty ebay boy...

Ok, so here is a true story of what a 13 year old boy from Ohio, did using ebay.

The little guy spent about $2 000 000, using a school computer buying a jet, helicopter and some other stuff on ebay. Apparently he used login details from a friends mom, the woman was surprized when the helicopter owner contacted her and asked how she intend to pay for the item. The helicopter ($1.1 million) is an old military model, goodness knows what the boy had in mind what to do with it...!

Paris Hilton screwing by the pool...

Oh, well, sorry to disappoint you if you expected something else! Did you know that Paris Hilton is know for more than her recent “videos” ?

Paris has gained recognition by appearing on television, movies, commercials and modelling photographs. Hilton first came into the public eye as one of the more famous New York socialites and heirs. She also worked as a fashion model for Catherine Malandrino and Marc Bouwer. Anyway, despite all of this, we all know what she is most famous for….don’t we…?

George W Bush, Rumsfeld & Brazilians

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the president, “that’s terrible!”
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

The Scientific Explanation of Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, (Cheerleader Captain and Class Valedictorian) during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night and again this morning, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!!!" THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Friday, May 12, 2006

Jedi Alarmclock - definition

What is the “Jedi Alarmclock”?

This is no physical device, with the “Jedi Alarmclock” you will use the Force to wake up at your chosen time.
I have personally used the Jedi Alarmclock for the past 2 years and have overslept 99.9% of the time…maybe we don’t all know how to utilize the Force?

new David Blaine footage discovered

Click here to see the "full" picture!
New footage of David Blaine’s old stunt in the box emerged during the hype of his new stunt, “Drowned Alive”. Apparently he got bored sitting in a glass box the whole day and had to find a way of easing the boredom... now on to his latest trick;

33-Year-old magician, David Blaine, shirtless and with an oxygen tube in his mouth, slid into his snow globe-like "human aquarium" Monday at the Lincoln Center in New York.
In a week, he will remove the device and attempt to hold his breath underwater longer than the record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds.
He also will try to escape from 67.5kg of chains and handcuffs during the breath-holding finale, which will air live in a two-hour ABC television network special, "David Blaine: Drowned Alive," on May 8.
"As a kid, I always was obsessed with Houdini," Blaine explained yesterday.
"I don't think about death, but I am prepared for it," he said, adding that his only fear is "the fear of the unknown."
Blaine said he started training in December, with some help from U.S. Navy SEALS. He lost 22.5 kilograms so his body would require less oxygen.
The water in the sphere will be kept at a balanced temperature to help keep his core temperature near 37C. His gear includes a diving helmet that allows two-way communication with his support team.
Blaine invites visitors to stop by and wave at him. The water should be nice and clear; he will be fed and relieve himself by tubes.
His previous feats of endurance include balancing on a small platform for 35 hours, being buried alive in a see-through coffin for a week and surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours. In 2003, he fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over the Thames River in London.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Slow down man...!

Wall-Mart Scam!!

Beware!! Wall-Mart Scam!
Please be careful. I don't how many of you shop at Wall-Mart, but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another store. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, yesterday, and most likely again tomorrow.

Planet of the Apes...

Do you recognize the Ape to the right?

Do you know him?

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. A grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.

You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney? "She again replied, "Why yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women and one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defence attorney almost died.

The judge told both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dark-side v. Staines-Massive

Go G go...!!

Dodgy Reqruitment tactics...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you.""No problem, just let me in," said the woman."Well, I'd like to," replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.""Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman."Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down -down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peterwaiting for her."Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her."So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage and all myfriends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..."

Redeem your Cluepon

The Employee handbook

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.If we see you wearing £200 Prada sneakers, and carrying a £400 Guccibag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do notneed a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to mange yourmoney better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be andtherefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. Ifyou are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do fordead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made tohave non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases whereemployee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled inthe late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through yourlunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now astrict 3-minute time limit. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the toilet door will openand a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picturewill be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"category.
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, sothat they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunchto get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide apositive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation,and input should be directed elsewhere.

Beer and Viagra

Women drivers

This morning on the Highway, I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in a brand new Polo with her face up next to her rear view
mirror putting on her eyeliner. Can you believe this. I looked away
for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my
lane, still working on that damn makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I dropped
my electric shaver, which knocked the steak and kidney pie out of my
other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car
using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone
away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed
and burned Big Stevie and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my
trousers and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Where does real love lie?

Best singles ad ever!

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips,cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...Over 15,000 men ................... found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. (Men are so easy).

Lord of the Rings in Glascow...

The wife give it away once again...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you
at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it,
woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat
belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off
when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat
belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

" Only when he's been drinking."

If women ruled the world...

WARNING - swearing in this one!


This little old lady never loose bets...

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank and says she wants to open a savings account. The account person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The account person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag." The account person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag chock full of green bills with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the account person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?" he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got one hundred thousand dollars right here that says by noon tomorrow, your balls will be square, and I'll even give you four to one odds. You got twenty five thousand dollars you'd be willing to wager on that?" she asks. The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you. There's no way you can win a bet like that!" The little old lady just shakes the bag, and says, "I know what I'm doing. I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?" "Okay, have it your way," says the president, and they shook hands on it. "See you at eleven-fifty-five tomorrow morning," says the little old lady, and with that she leaves. The next morning at 11:55, the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He's gotten almost no sleep last night, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He has checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing. When the little old lady arrives, he starts to relax, knowing he has won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" says the president. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?" "No, perfectly understandable," says the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" "Not so fast!" says the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants." The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "Okay, you win, here's your hundred grand," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning. "What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president. "Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, we had a million dollar bet that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."

Santa Knows what you did last summer...

santa knows when you've been a bad little kamper.

Clever Genie

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in.

They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "Thirty-five," she replied. "And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

Monday, May 08, 2006

Want to answer the phone?

Piss onna my plate

(Must be read with and Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you". I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Lawyer joke

George and Harry set out in a trans-Atlantic hot air balloon race. After 37 hours in the air and appearing lost, George offers, "We had better lose some altitude Harry so we can see exactly where we are." Hesitantly, Harry lets some hot air out of the balloon, and it begins to slowly descend below the cloud cover. Still confused as to their exact location George again offers, "I still can't tell where we are Harry, let's ask that gentleman down there on the ground." Harry yells down to the stranger, "Hey, Mister can you tell us where we are?" "You're in a balloon about 100 feet up in the air," came the reply. "That man must be a lawyer," George quipped. "How can you tell?" said Harry. "Because the advice he just gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless!"